Here in Jacksonville, it's been raining a ton lately. Like... a ton. Not just a normal quick afternoon shower, but legitimate thunderstorms every day or so. It was in a storm like the ones we've had lately that I first noticed something about our condo.
One day while I was home on a Friday afternoon, I started to hear the quiet, consistent drip of water that can only indicate one thing. Yep. We had a leak in our ceiling. Not only that but there were two other spots near that spot that looked like they could burst any time. I called my husband and he quickly called maintenance to come take a look at it.
After climbing up into our attic, the maintenance guy said, "Yep. There's damage from the last hurricane that didn't get fixed. So the water is coming in from the roof peak and sliding down between boards in those three spots of your ceiling."
Wait... did he just hurricane damage?
For those of you who don't even remember or realize, we had a small (well turned out to be small compared to the forecast) hurricane blow through Jacksonville the second weekend of OCTOBER. Funny enough, it was Hurricane Matthew (insert my husband singing "Rock You Like a Hurricane"). So this guy is telling me the leak in my ceiling right now is actually from something that didn't get repaired 8 months ago.
The analogies quickly started rolling through my head.
Have you ever had something in your life that seems to leak its way back in with a quick passing rain shower? Maybe it's something you had long forgot about but suddenly you're thinking about it a lot. You're suddenly really insecure in some way. You're suddenly self-conscious in certain settings or with certain people. You're suddenly doubting yourself, your abilities, and your calling. WHERE did this come from? I ask myself that often.
I realized right after hearing the report from the maintenance man, those things in my life are much like the damage to my roof - they come when pain or disappointment or what have you was improperly (or not at all) dealt with and healed. The leak you have now could be from damage caused a while ago. Yikes.
Maybe you had just shoved and suppressed those feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, but you never took them to Jesus and learned how to actually walk victoriously and confidently in your identity. When we do this, those things will reappear. Count on it. Because they're still there just under the surface.
But there's hope! Just as we suddenly find ourselves enveloped in insecurity, low self-esteem, or pain, God's love is available to rush in and make up for what was damaged if we allow him.
I'm not gonna pretend like dealing with long-standing "leaks" or "damage" is a simple prayer and walk in the park. It isn't. Sometimes the process of healing feels just as painful as the incident/incidences that caused the original damage. But healing is worth it because it's going to save you in the future. Think about your future relationships, your future marriage, your future children, your future co-workers, your future endeavors... we have to be willing to take the necessary steps to receive healing and God's love so our future isn't continually marred by the past.
If my complex had repaired the original roof damage caused by Hurricane Matthew, they wouldn't also be dealing now with the leaks in my ceiling as well as the continued roof damage. It's now a more expensive issue to fix and more time-consuming. Same with us. (But note: not impossible. Because nothing is impossible with God. No matter how long-standing our junk, He can still bring healing and wholeness.)
Do the hard work of letting God shape you and heal you. And it is work. Don't be fooled. When you have made a habit of running to toxic wells instead of Jesus and working around your insecurity instead of facing it, it takes work to redo your natural tendencies. But if you keep taking it to Jesus, running to Jesus, letting Him fill and satisfy you with His love, it will be worth it. Ask for help. Figure out what "run to Jesus" even means for you. Let Him make you whole!
It will be worth it.
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