When you're graduating college: "So, what's next?"
When you're dating: "So, when is he gonna put a ring on it?"
When you're engaged: "So, how's wedding planning?"
When you're a newlywed: "So, how's married life?"
I'm not exaggerating I think I've been asked that last question AT LEAST 100 times in the past two months. We as people have a way of just knowing what question fits the place someone is. It's some kind of cultural code.
Typically my response is, "It's AWESOME!" My husband's typical response is, "It's the good life!" But in case you're wondering much beyond that, I've compiled FOUR things that I'm learning as a newlywed. Here we go!
#1 There's my way, your way, and our way
When you get married, you will soon discover, if you haven't already, YOU have a very specific way of doing things. And you really do believe it's the right way. Whether it's folding towels, loading dishes, parking, hanging clothes in the closet... you have a way.
And as life would have it, this person you are now living with also has a way of doing things. And they really do believe it's the right way. And for whatever reason that only the good Lord knows, their way is completely different than yours. It amazes me how passionately I feel like I should defend the way I fold towels. Like who on earth cares? This is not a matter of life or death, though for some reason in the moment it feels like it.
You have to now discover a magical third way: "Our way." I've started to learn there isn't hardly anything I can stick my heels in the ground on and say "Well this is how I do it" anymore. We have to figure out how we do it, whatever it is. Sometimes that means learning their way and making it our way. Sometimes it means finding a compromise that satisfies both people. Sometimes it means hanging up their shirts how they like them and yours how you like yours. Either way (ha), we are figuring out OUR way and our way is my favorite way.
#2 A lot of you is still broken
I read a lot of stuff about marriage before I got married. While I gleaned plenty of good stuff from that, experiencing marriage is different. I read your partner can't fix all your junk, but I'm here to testify... that is actually true. Your insecurities don't automatically disappear when you say, "I do." In an odd turn of events, you actually become more aware of the brokenness still in you that Jesus wants to heal. Just when you think you're some mature adult, you realize you're actually nowhere near an elusive arrival point.
Now what's great is you have this person who loves you in your process. Matthew sees my weakness and my brokenness and keeps pursuing me. THAT will help bring healing. THAT is a demonstration of God's love and pursuit. But the reality is we get confronted with stuff we don't like and we can no longer push aside cause now there's someone directly involved and effected by it.
Thank God for a partner to walk it out with though! Thank God for a husband to love you anyway. That's what makes the hard work manageable. There's nothing like someone seeing what you think is the worst part of you and still wanting to hang out with you let alone love you.
#3 Grocery shopping is a part time job
When I was single and I didn't feel like cooking, I would just skip late night dinners. Or eat cereal. I'm not claiming to be the wisest or healthiest person there is, but that was my truth.
Did you know men eat... a lot? And they want to eat multiple times a day. They don't usually do this like "one good meal" thing a lot of single women do. My Pastor recently asked me if I had been writing any songs lately to which I responded, "I can barely keep up writing a grocery list let alone a song." And I'm not exaggerating. (Ok, fine. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little).
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a planner and sometimes OCD. But meal planning and grocery shopping are not my portion (yet). I mean if you think about it I just doubled the mouthes I'm feeding by getting married. Learning how to cook has not been the easiest thing I've ever done, but God's put this little domestic chip in me that really genuinely likes cooking and cleaning and taking care of our home.
Now if I could figure out how to not be at the grocery store every other day, we'll be making progress. I'm starting to memorize which Publix employees work which shifts. It's sad. But I appreciate this domestic side and I don't feel like it's a duty as much as it is a delight. A delight that I wanna be really good at. I've got a grocery pad on my fridge now to keep track of what we need, so hopefully this helps save the number of trips I make. I'll let you know.
#4 You'll think you can't love someone more than you do, then you do
The day of our wedding was truly the single best day of my life. I couldn't imagine loving my husband more than I felt I did that day. But two months in I can honestly say I love him more today than I did standing at the altar. I expect to realize this in my marriage over and over again.
I have never admired or loved someone so much in my entire 27 years. He is the greatest man I know. He makes me laugh every single day and tells me I'm beautiful when I feel like a loser. It is amazing to experience love expand. And then expand. And then expand. And I'm just over here like... I didn't know I had the capacity to love someone so much. But Jesus does that. He puts a supernatural ability in us to love our spouse. I'm sure of it. As we experience Jesus' love, our ability and capacity to love just keeps growing. It. Is. Amazing.
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I could go on and on about everything I'm learning right now as I've realized Engagement and Newlywed Life are a steep learning curve. So if you wanna know how married life is, it's a lot like being in an accelerated masters course on your favorite subject with your best friend. It is the greatest adventure, the biggest mystery, and the most wonderful ride.
