[kon-fi-duh ns]

For all the fanfare surrounding being "#1", have you ever noticed how awkward it can actually be to be first?

Sure in hindsight it seems like all the glory is reserved for those who are first, those who are pioneers, but if you've ever been first in anything, you know it can actually be quite uncomfortable.

Think of times you've felt led to initiate a conversation with someone you don't know. Or a time you felt like you should invite someone to church. Or a time when you got to the right place at the designated time, but nobody else was there yet. Awkward.

It takes confidence (kon-fi-duh ns ;)) to be first. It takes confidence to lead. And I have often wondered: Where the heck does that kind of confidence come from? How do we get to a place where our decisions and confidence aren't based on other people? Whether we're on campus approaching someone to do the God Test, being the first to pray in a corporate prayer setting, taking the step to invite a coworker to church, or any other situation, how do we become confident?

Enter: 1 Samuel 17.

This infamous chapter in the Bible is when David defeats Goliath. Now, being a church kid as I am, I have heard this story hundreds of times. I've seen it portrayed on flannelgraph, I've heard it sung about in songs, I've heard sermons on almost every facet of this story, but this morning God made it fresh to me.

Basically, there was this giant Philistine taunting the Israelite army and nobody was brave enough to actually go down and face him and fight him. David was just a young kid and he was delivering food to his brothers who were on the front lines of this impending battle. David, in his youth and maybe slight naivety, says, "I'll fight him." And look how encouraging Eliab, his brother, and Saul, the king of Israel at the time, are:

"Eliab: Why have you come down here? Who is watching your tiny flock in the wilderness? I'm your brother and I know you--you're arrogant, and your heart is evil..." (vs. 28)

"Saul: Don't be ridiculous--you can't fight the Philistine. You're only a youth, and he has been a warrior since his childhood. You lack age and experience." (vs. 33)

Wow. Condescending much? Eliab criticizes and downplays David's role as a shepherd and then tries to claim he knows who he really is: An arrogant kid with an evil heart. Then, Saul points out David is completely lacking in age and experience. Little do both of these naysayers know what David has really been up to in the wilderness with his "tiny flock."

David proceeds to tell them how when a lion or a bear would attack the flock, he would ward it off with his bare hands and if either tried to attack him, he would just kill it. Casual. And David is fully prepared and confident to be the first to confront Goliath. Why? How?

David had developed confidence in the hiddenness of the wilderness that could not be tamed or controlled by other people's opinions.

David was already familiar with the faithfulness of God. He was familiar with a God who delivered him from the paw of the lion and the bear. This dude spent his days alone singing songs to God, recounting who God is, and then killing giant animals with his bare hands. 

I think we see here in David's story that the confidence to be first comes from intimacy with God. Intimacy is what builds trust and confidence. It builds a healthy familiarity with God's character. Also, in that intimacy with God, David learned who he was. He already knew he was a warrior - he didn't need Eliab or Saul to see that in him. 

I hope I never rush out of the hiddenness of the wilderness. Whether that's a season of life or even just my time in the morning with God and His Word - I want to remain in that secret place, building a secret history, developing my relationship with God to the point I am confident in who He is, and confident in who He has made me to be.

I believe when we have developed this secret history with God -- killing lions and bears -- we will walk with a greater confidence in those moments in life we're called to step out, to lead, to be first, to GO. If we know who He is and who we are in Him, nothing can stop us. No opinion of Eliab or Saul can change our mind. But we have to be willing to linger, to stay, to wrestle lions and bears when no one is watching.

Our culture celebrates platform, not anonymity. It takes discipline to stay hidden. But I believe if we do and we trust God, there will be moments on the platform that are only made possible by that hiddenness. Just like David. And when those moments come, we won't worship the platform. We'll worship the God we came to know and love in the quiet, secret moments of anonymity. Just like David.